I know we’re talking semantics here, but I wouldn’t say you got ghosted. This man did a rude thing – a slow fade with no explanation – but he didn’t disappear. He started showing you he had less time/energy/interest in whatever the two of you were doing. The moment you asked him to be clear about his goals, he gave you an answer. He said nothing – which meant he was ready to walk away.

The biggest issue here is that you never met in person. I’m sure it’s possible to fall in some kind of love through messages, zooms, letters, etc., but it’s not the same as what can be developed in person. Maybe you were falling in love with potential.

We have a podcast episode coming out next season about a couple that meets online when they live on different continents. They absolutely fall for each other through messages and FaceTimes – but they both agree not to make any decisions about how they really feel until they see each other in the same room. They both acknowledge that they could show up in person and feel a real lack of physical chemistry. I liked the way they were romantic about each other without promising too much. I loved how they admitted what they couldn’t know from afar. When the guy in the story finally travels to see this woman, they both have a futon ready for him, just in case they decide to be platonic pals. (I won’t spoil the rest of their story – it comes out in a few months.)

Be real with yourself about what you never got to know. Do not text this guy on his birthday. Make a deal with yourself to try to date people you can see within the first week of talking. Let’s call it “2024 Live and In Person” – a good theme for a new year, and a great way to move on.

– Meredith