He's been 1,000 miles away

Monday | February 12, 2024

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

He’s been 1,000 miles away

What’s been on your mind about your single/dating/married/divorce experiences?

Ask anything. It helps others who have similar questions.

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Hi Meredith,

I met someone online six years ago and we’ve cultivated a long-distance relationship of over 1,000 miles. Initially we visited each other for about a week at a time in our respective cities and connected via FaceTime almost daily. When we first met, he told me he could be flexible about moving to my city (Boston) if our relationship progressed, as his ties to his area were ending.

Over time, it has been harder and harder to visit in person due to finances, work demands, and evolving lifestyles, with each of us having children and caretaker responsibilities. Now it’s even difficult for us to connect via FaceTime because of our work schedules.

In December, he did not respond to one of my texts for a week, which had never happened before. We connected and expressed that we still love each other. He said that time would tell about our relationship moving forward. I expressed that I had hoped that he could move near me as we had initially discussed, and he said that he had hoped that we’d just do our best with the distance.

Here we are now with little contact. A very quiet, dark, cold and sad experience. I’d appreciate your thoughts. Everything he’d like me to do I can’t because I have custody of my children when he’s free. It is depressing to let go of true love, yet I see no solution to our distance, schedule, and lifestyle challenges. Thank you for listening.

– Heartbroken

Evolving lifestyles. That’s the issue.

The two of you started this relationship with some shared priorities, but things changed over time. Now he’s saying the best-case scenario is more distance.

That’s not what you want, so it’s time to let go. Make it clear you plan to move on.

This is a big loss (I’m sure those FaceTimes used to be the highlight of your day), but you can move past it, and I think you’ll start to appreciate the extra time in your schedule.

It’s possible that after you work through some of the grief, you’ll notice a new kind of openness for hobbies, friends, taking a walk by yourself, or getting on a dating app to chat with someone who lives 10 miles away.

I do wonder if you chose this man six years ago because it was easier to compartmentalize your love life. Now you desire so much more.

You’re heartbroken, which makes sense, but you’ll heal. Give this time – and make it a clean break.

– Meredith

Readers? Advice for this moment? When it’s all about the heartbreak?

Single parents Distance Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

“When you are convinced you are in love, sometimes you cannot see the situation clearly. I have been there, I felt I couldn’t live without a specific guy and he was definitely ‘meant’ to be with me despite circumstances being that we couldn’t be together at the time. Luckily my amazing friends pointed out that this was just a ‘fantasy’ on my part, that I didn’t really know him very well, that there was no real path forward. I couldn’t see it, I was convinced that they just didn’t understand, that they had never felt this way about someone. Of course in hindsight they were right, they were honest with me instead of agreeing I should pursue this not so great situation. So listen to your love letters blog friends because you are blinded by what you are convinced is love. NO ONE here so far is saying you should keep up with this relationship.”

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