Dear Meredith,

I am a 42-year-old gay man who was recently in a two-plus year relationship with the love of my life. The first day I saw him, while on a walk, I knew he was my destiny. Eventually, our run-ins turned into us meeting up and walking together. Our relationship began to grow, and by early 2015, he was staying almost full time at my house. He got rid of his place later that year. Needless to say, I was so happy. I met my soul mate.

But after some time, we became complacent in our relationship. Even though we were extremely happy, we didn’t communicate about the “small things” that annoyed each other. Over time, this added up and I got bored. I was sitting at home, working, and I got hit on by an attractive guy on Facebook. Now mind you, I was extremely happy with my existing boyfriend. And I mean that in every way. I was happy with our life together, but somewhere along the way I got greedy, and when this guy flirted with me, I indulged. This kind of online flirting went on, occasionally, for a few months.

One morning I woke up and my boyfriend was not in the bed. He was in the living room, on the couch, upset. I was like, “What are you doing?” His answer was, “Check your phone.” There I was, exposed. My online chatting/flirting had been discovered. The people I had been flirting with lived in other countries – they were not people I could physically touch – however, I acknowledged that it was wrong, on all levels.

What I am having trouble with is that he cannot seem to forgive me. At first we agreed we would try to work it out, but he is angry. He packed up and left. I begged him to give me another chance. Nothing worked. I have been depressed and have sought help.

Now, while I know I was the catalyst that caused this split, I didn’t want to lose him. I thought that if you love someone, you stick with them, work through issues. But he abandoned me. He left me.

How can I win him back? I don’t want to lose him forever.

– So Sorry