He Slept With Me The Night He Broke Up With Me

Friday | October 21, 2022

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

He Slept With Me The Night He Broke Up With Me

What’s your relationship/dating/single-life problem? What’s stressing you out/on your mind? Send a question about it to [email protected] or fill out this form. Also: A colleague in the Globe newsroom is writing about people over 50 who divorced during the pandemic. He’d love to hear from people who can talk about this – on background, on the record. (If it’s an amicable divorce I imagine it’s easier to chat about on the record.) If you’re interested in talking, he would be so grateful. Just email me with “divorce” in the subject line and I can connect you. [email protected].

I was with my ex-boyfriend for almost a year before he randomly dumped me out of the blue. Everything was going so smoothly, and then all of a sudden it went south in his mind. We moved in together very quickly and fell in love too fast; this I know for certain. However, he said that he would always be a part of my life no matter what.

You can imagine my pain when he slept with me the night of breaking up with me, acting coldly after. It made me feel gross. He was my first long-term relationship (I am 23, he is 25), and I had told him many times that I was worried we were moving to fast. I moved in with him after three months, and we started to have mini arguments about his job. He works a lot (in sales), and I wasn’t sure what to do when he wasn’t around. We never really went on dates.

I was so upset he broke up with me, and I reacted childishly. I don’t know why he didn’t want to try to fix us, especially because he tells me that he loves me very much. I am not sure where we went wrong, and I can’t help but blame my mental health for this. If I told him more about how I was feeling, would he have wanted me to stay? There wasn’t another woman, but sometimes it feels like it.

I want him back, despite him telling me several times that he doesn’t want to be with me. I can’t stop trying to contact him because I just want to hear his voice. I want him to be with me, but he has made it clear that he doesn’t. I am not sure where this came from, but now I’m scrambling to find a place to live. I am heartbroken, and I feel like I won’t ever be loved. Most people have left me in my life, and I feel lost.

– Lost

“Everything was going so smoothly, and then all of a sudden it went south in his mind.”

You say you don’t know where this breakup came from, but you do. You moved in with him before you were ready. He has a job that kept him out of the house, and you didn’t know how to deal with that. He became too important to you, and he didn’t want to be your main source of companionship and attention. That’s a recipe for a breakup, if there is one.

Of course you’re miserable and want him back. Even if a breakup makes sense on paper, it can feel terrible. Grieve this, and instead of calling him (please don’t – block his number), focus on housing and keeping busy. If you’re staying with family, ask to help around the house. Staying occupied is good for your brain.

Please know there is nothing you could have shared or done to make this work out. It sounds like you were incompatible. Even his way of breaking up with you – sleeping with you, etc. – makes him not the right person for you.

I’m not sure time heal all wounds, but it helps. See how you feel in a few weeks, and in the meantime, find a good, reliable place to stay. Maybe some roommates you’ve never met could be a distraction. They might even become a gateway to new friends.

– Meredith

Readers? Can you help this LW focus on moving on? The LW says people don’t stick around, but can you give a pep talk for making friends in your 20s?

Breakups 🖤 Living Together