Dear Meredith,

I’ve been with a man for over two years. He was married and it started as an affair. It is not in my nature to have an affair with a married man. I feel guilty about it every day. He said his marriage was over, that they were drifting apart for years. Our relationship grew and we fell in love. We’ve had our stops and starts over the years, mainly due to him not ending the marriage and moving out. I think finances were involved.

He finally moved out and we have been living together for five months in my house. He says he loves me and that he’s happy. We have fun together going on hikes, gardening, and doing a home renovation project.

He and his wife went to one mediation meeting and the next step was to return the financial documents and start moving toward divorce. That meeting took place last summer. I’ve been waiting for him and his wife to put their house on the market. I’ve been waiting for them to return to mediation, split the assets, and move on. When I’ve asked him where it stands, he gives different reasons. He says he is working on it – he was looking for the papers, he found the papers, he was going to send them in last week, etc. He says he is waiting for the wife to have a plan for where she will go when they sell the house. I’ve said she is a grownup with her own job and life; I’m sure she will figure it out. He’s said he wants to make sure he gets the best price for the house. I say even if he walks away with $10, isn’t that worth it so they both can restart their lives?

We have been to therapy a few times. I really wanted him to understand how it hurts me that he isn’t moving this forward. I’m not asking to get married or have children with this man. I have my own salary and career – this is not about money. I’m asking for our relationship to be 100 percent real, and for him to be free and clear.

He has two grown daughters and I have not met them. I’ve asked why not numerous times. I understand the older one is still very mad at him because of the affair. I have suggested he talk with her, “clear the air” in a way, (although I don’t mean that as casual as that phrase could be interpreted). He says they are not ready to meet me. I am willing to be patient.

A week ago I told him I was at my breaking point. I would not continue to be in this relationship with him because he was not moving the divorce forward. He moved out of the house. I miss him. I love him. I’m wondering why he hasn’t come to his senses. Am I a fool to reach out? Are there red flags here since we’ve been together so long and still no action? Am I the one being impatient?

– Wanting the free and clear