Get Out Of My Dreams

Thursday | December 16, 2010

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

Get Out Of My Dreams

Now you have a Billy Ocean song in your head, right? But that’s not the Love Letters song of the day.

Hi Meredith,

About five years ago, I had a brief but intense relationship with a beautiful woman, “Suzanne.” I had known her almost a decade prior and had a crush on her back then, and one day years later we bumped into each other and it seemed like kismet. In reality, though, it was bad timing; the relationship ended more or less amicably not long thereafter.

Now, I’m happily married to a woman who is truly my soul mate. We have a baby on the way and the future looks bright. Suzanne should be a distant memory, except she keeps popping up in my dreams.

This is happening more frequently now than it ever has over the past five years and I can’t explain why. And these dreams are vivid. Suzanne appears just as I remember her, her voice is clear and articulate, and she always seems to pose questions as to why things never worked out with us. Nothing is ever resolved in these dreams, and I invariably wake up confused and angered by her intrusion, for lack of a better word.

I have not kept in touch with Suzanne, but for no particular reason we are “friends” on a certain social network. I say no particular reason because aside from the initial friending part, we have never contacted each other — not once — and I’ve looked at her page maybe twice. In one sense, I think de-friending her would be liberating because it would sever the last remaining tie — albeit tenuous — to Suzanne. On the other hand, in the days following a dream about Suzanne I feel compelled to contact her, but I have no idea what I would say and I doubt it would yield anything constructive.
Like you’ve often said, there is no such thing as closure. I believe that. I just want my dreams back.

– Get Out Of My Dreams, Boston

I have this recurring dream, GOOMD, that the Globe sends me to a local hotel to interview Justin Timberlake. But when I get to the hotel, I can’t find the room. I’m running down hallways with a notebook and pen in my hand, banging on doors, desperately trying to figure out where he is.
I’m telling you this because my dreams don’t mean that I’m going to date Justin Timberlake or that he and I have some sort of spiritual connection. The dreams mean that I’m stressed about deadlines, or that I’ve had too many Skittles before bed, or that I’ve gone to the bathroom in the middle of the night and caught a glimpse of Justin Timberlake on the tabloid magazine that’s sitting on top of my toilet.

Dreams are just dreams. They’re revealing, of course, but your dreams aren’t telling you anything you don’t already know. You’re still curious about your ex. That’s fine and not at all unusual. And I’m sure the fact that you’ve got a baby on the way is making you extra emotional. Impending fatherhood is enough to cause weird, paranoid dreams about everything that seems unfinished.

For your own sanity, I’d de-friend Suzanne online. Then I’d accept the fact that you’re always going to have feelings for her and wonder about her. I promise you, the dreams won’t last forever. Soon enough, you’ll be too busy to sleep. In the meantime, it might help to avoid Facebook (and other social networks) before you get into bed. Maybe read something significant before you turn off the lights. And keep a picture of Justin Timberlake in your bathroom. You’ll wind up having my upsetting dreams, which might be a nice change.

Readers? Do the dreams mean anything? Is this about the baby? If not, what is it about? Anybody have dream problems? Should he contact Suzanne? Discuss.

– Meredith

Breakups 🖤