Found Out He Was On Dating Sites

Thursday | March 2, 2017

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

Found Out He Was On Dating Sites

I met a guy on a dating site last year. We spoke for like three hours before agreeing to meet that night at a bar for dinner and drinks. We instantly hit it off and things were going great. The only issue was that I found out he smoked, and I am not one to date smokers (no offense). I backed off, although he was very interested and wanted to go out again. Fast forward a few months; he messaged me again and wanted to go out, so we did, and we hit it off completely. He said he wanted to take it to a relationship level, but thats not what I was looking for. I just wanted to make sure I was ready to be involved before I made that commitment.

Yet again, a few months later (late last year), we tried again. This time I decided to give it an honest shot. Everything was great until we took a short vacation together. Then all of a sudden he got distant, and I found out from a friend that he was on dating sites again, talking to other people. I was crushed and hurt. I confronted him and ended it. He was mad and said he felt like I was making it all about me. I found out that no less than a week later, he was with someone else.

Did I have the right to be upset about the sites, especially since we were exclusive, or was I overreacting?

– Heartbroken in Boston

You had every right to be angry about the dating sites. You also had reason to be concerned about his distant behavior. There’s no need to doubt yourself; it makes sense that all of this led to a confrontation and breakup.

Please know, though, that the real problem with your relationship was the pace. Every time you hung out with this guy, you considered him for something big or nothing at all. You shut him down twice, allowing for months of silence, and then, for your third attempt, you went all in. It was too much investment for a brand new relationship. It sounds like you both jumped into a commitment before you knew enough about each other.

I know you’re focused on his criticism and whether your feelings were justified, but try to let it go. It’s not important, and being right doesn’t change what happened in the end. You should be focusing all of your energy on thinking about what’s next. That’s what matters.

– Meredith

Readers? Did she overreact?

Breakups 🖤