Flirting With A Friend After A Breakup

Wednesday | February 10, 2021

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

Flirting With A Friend After A Breakup

Time to send your letter. Tell me any and all problems about relationships and being single. Email [email protected] or fill out the form.

Hi Meredith,

I broke up with my first boyfriend about a month ago. We’re into our 20s, and it was a long-term relationship of eight years. We share many of the same friends, but things ended amicably. I’ve started to acknowledge that I have feelings for our shared best friend. I’ve always thought he was a sweet and attractive guy, but I never considered him seriously, given that I was more interested in maintaining my relationship.

Now that I’m single, it’s a little more complicated. Before the pandemic, my friend group was always very affectionate as a whole, and my friend is a natural flirt, so there’s no way I’d ever know if he was interested. Since he lives alone, and I now live alone, we’ve also been the only people in each other’s quarantine bubble aside from our parents. Part of me wants to tell him how I feel because I don’t think he’s interested in me, and if that’s the case, I could process the heartbreak from the relationship and the rejection from a crush as one concise package. I’m worried I might just be trying to sabotage myself—both romantically and socially by wanting to do this so soon after a breakup. I tend to be a big proponent of just telling people how I feel for the sake of not getting hung up on someone who doesn’t like me back. Given that I’m not interested in hopping into a new relationship, though, I’m worried it would end up causing problems if he is interested. After so long in a relationship, it’s fun to let myself enjoy the butterflies of attempting to flirt, even if it doesn’t lead to anything or mean anything, so … do you have any tips for getting more comfortable with ambiguity in the meantime? Thanks!

– Flirting

“Given that I’m not interested in hopping into a new relationship, though, I’m worried it would end up causing problems if he is interested.”

Let this information be your guide. It would be confusing if he told you that he liked you back right now. You don’t really need to know how he feels at the moment.

This man is your only in-person friend during this phase of the pandemic. If you tell him about your crush (which isn’t very serious right now), you’d risk rejection, which comes with awkwardness, or shared feelings, which you don’t intend to pursue. I’m all for transparency, but sometimes you’re supposed to keep feelings to yourself. This is a good time to practice control and patience for the sake of this very important relationship.

If you feel the same about him in many more months, you can think about what you’re seeking. For now, though, enjoy his company. If it feels flirty, remember that you’ve always communicated this way.

My more practical advice is to expand your circle, even virtually. You can scroll through faces on a dating app and talk to people about their experiences during this past year. You can try flirting with others and remind yourself that the world is bigger than two people. Much bigger.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you keep things at a comfortable level of flirt? Should any feelings be shared here? What about this idea of getting over all rejection at once?

COVID and Relationships Friends Crush Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

So… you aren’t interested in starting a relationship. Why the heck would you even consider telling someone you are interested in one? Especially a close friend! Take time to heal from your breakup – Have fun and work on yourself.

TheNurse Share Thoughts