Dumped at the worst time

Friday | January 3, 2025

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

Dumped at the worst time

Dated her for a year and a half, and then dumped over text because I couldn’t “meet her emotional needs” and I “clearly disconnected from her.”

Then my parent lost their battle with a terminal illness a week or so later. She was aware of the situation the entire time, I had told her I would need help communicating as things progressed, and she said she “would be there with me to help navigate those times.” (I said this on Tuesday of that week; she dumped me days later via text.)

Word to the wise: if you are dating someone for a year and a half and are fully aware of their situation, do not ever tell someone with a terminally ill parent that “I will be there for you and with you to help you navigate this,” only to bail less than four days later, over text, because an inconsequential “have a good day” text wasn’t responded to fast enough.

Also, permanently ghosting and blocking the person you dumped via text after because they didn’t respond to an inconsequential message is real menace behavior.

I hope she’s reading this.

– What is her problem

I’m sorry for your loss. So, so sorry.

But I am not sorry this person broke up with you. Yes, her timing was terrible, and it sounds like she was rude and thoughtless. But if she’s not committed to you for the right reasons, why have her around during this important moment in your life?

I think about the months after my mom died – how nice it was to sit with a friend or relative. If I’d had the wrong person there, like a partner who had one foot out the door, it would have been awful (eventually, at least).

Also, if your ex is the kind of person who gets very upset about one text message, how supportive would she be right now? Would she be good at navigating anything?

Again, the timing wasn’t great, and the method (text) was a bit ridiculous. But her decision to bail makes room for others. Her choice to hit the block button, while cruel, might prevent you from getting back together with someone who isn’t good for you.

She has emotional needs that you can’t meet – and she can’t prioritize yours.

We have a podcast episode about this, featuring a guy who gets dumped by his boyfriend as his favorite family member dies. He and I debate the timing, and whether there would have been a better day for a breakup. It might be good therapy to listen.

For the record, I don’t love people using Love Letters as a way to send a passive-aggressive message to an ex, but it is creative – and I kind of hope she reads this, too. Maybe she will, and you’ll get an apology.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it bad to break up with someone at the worst time, or better for them because they can rebuild without you?

Send your own question for the new year. What’s on your mind about money, exes, dating, love, loss, friendship, marriage, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].

Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

Let her go and grieve your loss. You don’t need her to do that. Now is the time to focus on family and friends who can support you in your time of need.

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