Do I Have A Bad Track Record?
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Q.Hi Meredith,
I have been reading your column since before I moved back to this great city. On to my dilemma/question. I am a 56-year-old twice divorced guy. First marriage was when I was 19 and “did the right thing.” Second one lasted 18 yrs until she decided she didn’t want to be married anymore. I have been dating someone now for about six months and she recently told me that while she enjoys my company she doesn’t see me as marriage material. When I asked her why, she commented that my “track record” makes me a poor candidate for marriage. Meredith, I was a good husband and father for 18 years and I am very much a relationship kinda guy.
Am I going to be blacklisted for life because of two marriages (one of which was at 19) that didn’t work??? Is there still hope for someone my age to be able to find someone that can see past my track record?
– Back in Boston at last
A.There is hope for you, BIBAL. And as far as I’m concerned, this woman is a “poor candidate for marriage.” Marriage is about acceptance and honesty, not about finding the person with the best dating resume.
There are zillions of women out there who would happily date a self-aware guy who has been married twice for understandable reasons. It’s not as though you bailed on nice people because you were bored. You got married too young and then committed to someone for almost two decades. That’s not a terrible track record, in my opinion.
Keep in mind, it’s possible that this woman was lying about the reason she ended the relationship. It’s possible that she just didn’t know how to break up with you without blaming your divorces.
Either way, she’s out and you’re still dateable. I’m sorry it took her six months to object to something you probably told her right off the bat. When you’re ready, get back out there and keep fishing — with confidence.
Readers? Does the LW have a bad track record? Was this woman just coming up with an easy reason to end it? Are two divorces a red flag? Discuss.
– Meredith
Be civil. Be kind.
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