Hi Meredith,

Earlier this year, a close friend convinced me to download a dating app so we could go through the experience together. I hadn’t been on a dating app or a real first date for a few years because I was recovering from heartbreak. I decided it was time to give it a shot. I matched with one guy and we hit it off through messaging. He’d recently gotten out of a two-year relationship and moved in with his parents, an hour away from me. He often visits family in my area, which is how we matched. When we met up, the chemistry was instant. He was just as attractive and sweet in person. When the night ended, he immediately texted me saying he had a great time and wanted to see me again.

We planned a second date and kept texting back and forth throughout the day, even planning future dates. But then, before we had that second date, he sent me a text saying he’s still sad about his last relationship, and that he wasn’t ready for “something like this” yet. I was caught off guard because we’d only been on one date and had not been physical. I asked him what he wanted, and he said he didn’t know. I pushed him away and told him to call me once he worked his stuff out. He agreed it was for the best.

At first I felt very empowered by what I did, but a few days later, regret began to sink in. I missed talking to him and wanted to see him again. I wondered if I pushed him away as a defense mechanism. After about three weeks, I swallowed my pride and reached out to see how he was doing. He was very receptive and told me he was doing better and wanted to focus on himself, adding that he did not think anything meaningful would come out of us, which seemed to be the opposite of what he’d been conveying just a few weeks previously. It was a clean break and offered me some closure.

Now Meredith, I’ve read several letters that ask why a second date never happened, so I feel like an echo chamber. We clicked and everything seemed to be just fine until he did a complete 180, and I’m sure his breakup was the biggest influence. But did I do something wrong? I still can’t get him off my mind. Any advice or insight is appreciated.

– What Happened Here