How Do You Deal With Seeing Your Ex Happy And Fulfilled?

Friday | August 31, 2018

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

How Do You Deal With Seeing Your Ex Happy And Fulfilled?

Here’s a short letter as everyone takes a holiday. Have a good weekend, and see you Tuesday.

Hi Meredith!

I just plowed through the entire first season of the Love Letters podcast and found it refreshingly relatable. A little over two years ago, my boyfriend of 10 years left me for the woman he’d been having an affair with for two years (a detail I found out after the fact). I used all of the coping tactics you explored in the first season and went on with my life, happier and more “myself” than I had ever been. I thought I was out of the woods … until I learned last week that these two had gotten married last weekend. Suddenly, all these feelings of inadequacy came fluttering back – although I KNOW that’s not the truth. My question for you is this: How do you deal with seeing your ex happy and fulfilled, giving someone else all those things you longed for when you were together, when you’re still single and looking for love?

– Thanks.

First, do not look. I’m sure there are many pictures of that wedding floating around online, but they are not for you. Block, avoid – whatever you need to do to stay away from the slideshow. You gain nothing from those visuals.

Second, remember that weddings, while lovely, do not show you what a couple is like on a random Tuesday. Do not make any assumptions about who is fulfilled and how. You know nothing about their relationship.

Third, your life probably looks pretty spectacular to a lot of people, including your ex. Over time, he’s probably heard how well you’re doing, and has had a difficult time with the information. I’m sure there have been feelings of inadequacy on his part, too.

Setbacks happen after breakups, even two years later, but this one is just a blip. Please remember that you’re searching for a good partner, which means you’re no longer looking for him.

– Meredith

Readers? Help after hearing about the wedding?

Breakups 🖤