‘I Can’t Stop Thinking About How Angry I Am At My Ex’

Wednesday | March 22, 2017

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

‘I Can’t Stop Thinking About How Angry I Am At My Ex’

I’ve been seeing a new guy for about four months, and we decided to be mutually exclusive two months ago. We have a lot of similar interests, he’s very compassionate, and we’re both always smiling when we’re together. We’re obviously still learning about each other, but it seems very promising.

The problem? I can’t stop thinking about how angry I am at my ex. We dated for years and we both thought we had everything figured out. I broke up with him because he refused to show emotions. My dad was diagnosed with cancer and he wouldn’t so much as ask me if I was OK. I’m thrown off by the fact that he downright refused to try to make our relationship work, despite always telling me how much he loved me. I’m nervous that I’m not giving everything I can to this new relationship because I’m scared that the past will repeat itself. I don’t want to always be the only one trying in a relationship, and I don’t want to keep starting over.

– Anxiety about letting go

You do a great job of explaining your anxiety, but I have to wonder whether you know where it comes from. Sure, you could be scared of repeating history with this new relationship, but it’s also possible that some of your anxiety comes from the cancer experience itself. You went through a lot and are still processing. Sometimes it’s difficult to manage many feelings at the same time.

Full disclosure: I might be projecting here. When I had a parent with cancer, I was anxious about a lot of things, and couldn’t separate the feelings. My stress about the illness bled into everything – even dates. In the end, it helped to get help. Talking with a professional gave me some tools to determine what scared or angered me at any given moment. Sometimes it wasn’t what I thought it was.

That’s what I have to recommend – some good therapy. It won’t make everything perfect or easy, but it will help you figure out the source of your stress. It’ll also help you see your boyfriend for what he is – someone brand new.

– Meredith

Readers? How can the letter writer separate the relationships?

Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

… as far as your anger is concerned, I think it has more to do with you and than your ex. You expect certain behaviors and if you don’t see them, you immediately want to make it the other person’s fault. That isn’t a recipe for a successful relationship. Let it go. Accept your boyfriend for who he is, faults and all. Wouldn’t you want him to do the same for you?

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