I think you received some very clear guidance. N snapped at you. That means she’s not into this idea, at least not right now.

You call N your best friend. If that’s true, I say: stay away from the L situation for a bit. In a few months, it might not feel like a big deal to date N’s ex. But right now? You know it seems weird. That’s why you asked in the first place.

I understand you want L and maybe have for a bit, even while you were with E. But if you pursue L, things with N might change. Everybody in this foursome broke up because the chemistry wasn’t right, but that doesn’t mean all the feelings were platonic. N is probably sad about L not working out. I don’t know about E, but breakups can be tough, even if relationships were short and for fun.

You want to date L. I get it, and if you must, you must. I only ask that you accept how it might change things with N, and that you communicate with N so she doesn’t feel abandoned by a close friend. Let her know she’s a priority (assuming she is). 

Also consider whether it might be healthy to take some space from the entire group. It’s possible L looks great because it’s been the four of you for a stretch of time. Perhaps with some new people and scenery, you’d find other letters in the alphabet.

– Meredith

Readers? How long do you have to wait before you date a friend’s ex? What if they weren’t serious?

Thinking about a crush, single life, a breakup, a complicated friendship, dating, a divorce, doing none of the above? What’s on your mind? Send your own letter here – or to [email protected].