We Broke Up For The Second Time

Thursday | May 3, 2018

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

We Broke Up For The Second Time

Dear Meredith,

Many years ago, I was in love with a guy who ultimately broke my heart. I never forgot him and held him in my heart for over 20 years. He reentered my life last year and we began a passionate relationship. We affectionately referred to this second chance together as our 2.0. Unfortunately, after many months, he ended the relationship for reasons I am still struggling to understand.

To say that I am heartbroken again is an understatement. The incredible sadness I feel is at times physically painful; the months we spent together were some of the best of my life. We made so many promises to each other and agreed we were perfect for each other. I believed I would spend the rest of my life with this guy. As sad and angry as I am about this second ending, I am still madly in love with him. For me, he is – and always has been – the love of my life. I am trying so hard to move on, but many days I find it impossible.

When I was with him my world felt complete. He was my soul mate. I don’t know if I will ever stop loving him. How do I let go of this love? How do I let go of my dream of forever happiness with this great love? Will I ever find this kind of love again with anyone else?

– Struggling to move on from 2.0

I don’t know whether you’ll ever stop loving him. The more I talk to people about breakups, the more I accept that sometimes the love just doesn’t go away.

So maybe the goal shouldn’t be “over it” or “done thinking about him forever.” Maybe it should be “capable of enjoying things without him,” because that’s what you need to be able to do right now. At the moment, you’re asking too much of yourself. You don’t need to expunge him from your brain; you just need to be able to have a full, happy day on your own, and to be able to see your world as complete, even if he’s not around.

You can start by spending time with all of the people who keep showing up. Collectively, that group is your soul mate. Also focus on what you liked to do before this man came back for 2.0, even if it’s just revisiting a TV show. The old routines might remind you that before 2.0, you were open to others. It is possible to love someone else.

If the breakup pain continues to be overwhelming – if you feel incapable of focusing on anything else – you should make time to talk to a professional. This is real grief, and it’s OK if you need a guide.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts on the end of 2.0?

Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

The healing won’t be a straight line. You will have good days and bad days. Don’t think about finding a replacement at this point. Just focus on re-establishing your equilibrium. I’m sorry. Good luck.

Seenittoo Share Thoughts