Hi Meredith,

I’m dealing with the anguish of a breakup I really, really wanted to avoid. And the hope I still have that things could work out.

I’m 28 and loved my boyfriend of three years tremendously, but we separated recently because we are from different religions and that was causing too much anxiety for me (not him). He doesn’t care about religion, but I grew up in a family where people don’t date outside our faith. I worried about becoming the family’s black sheep and backlash from close relatives who would not accept us if we eventually married. I do have a few supportive relatives. Perhaps, most importantly, it’s an internal struggle too that I don’t know if I’ll be able to answer. I’m not religious but find identity in my religion. I have also always been attracted to people from other cultures and how the diversity enriches my life.

I can clearly and happily imagine a future with this incredible person but am overwhelmed by the idea of committing to a relationship that would bring such drastic drama to my life, perhaps forever. My boyfriend supported my religious practices and would always do so. He understood I have to figure out what I need. I question whether what I want (to be with him) and need (mental health) are compatible. I miss him terribly, am still anxious, and haven’t accepted the breakup. I wonder how to find a path back to him and hope to get clarity but don’t know what to do to get it. He wants me to be well either way. (And yes, I’ve seen you write that a wonderful relationship can not work out and that’s OK. I’m not ready to say bye.)

Appreciate your thoughts,

– Questioning everything