I dated a woman for several years in college. I think I was both in love and infatuated with her. Either way, I was head over heels. She was pretty much everything I ever wanted. I had more fun with her than anyone else, admired and respected her intellectually, and loved being intimate with her.

We were young and at a time in our lives characterized by constant change (jobs, grad school, moves, new social scenes, etc.), and our relationship did not withstand all the external pressures. We broke up (not without an immense amount of heartbreak both ways), and we remained casual friends for years. It was a strained friendship (at least for me), but we were part of a tight-knit group of friends, so seeing her was unavoidable. We ended up in different cities, and over the next decade we were both in and out of relationships. Whenever I was out, she was in, and vice versa. But every time I saw her, I still felt a deep connection with her. The attraction never waned, and she was still able to make me laugh like no one else.

I never told her directly how I felt, however several of our mutual friends have been aware at least to some degree of my feelings for years. It’s hard for me to imagine that she has not known or sensed it. For me, it has always felt like it was painfully obvious to her and everyone else that I was hopelessly in love with her, and that it was pathetic for me to still have feelings this many years later. I have had a number of long-term relationships, and have been in love with other women. However I have never stopped comparing them to her. At this point, I am single and she is in a new relationship. Yet I continue to pine. So, to the questions: Does this sound like an unhealthy obsession? Am I just not letting go of the past and seeing it through rose-colored glasses? Or is this something that I should have confronted honestly long ago? Is it safe to assume at this point that if something were ever going to happen, it would have by now? Advice for moving forward?

– Stuck in the Past