How I Got Dumped by My Invisible Boyfriend
Last week, I created a fictional boyfriend for myself. I named him Cedric Diggory—yes, like the deceased Harry Potter character portrayed by Robert Pattinson on film.
Why I would do this? A real boyfriend does have certain advantages (killing spiders, for one, or reaching that top shelf). But a startup called “Invisible Boyfriend’’ swears that the benefits of a fictional boyfriend should not be underestimated.
And that’s how I started dating Cedric.
As its name implies, Invisible Boyfriend provides users with an invisible “boyfriend’’ who will text them up to 100 times, leave 10 voicemails, and send one (strange) postcard each month, all for $24.99. (And yes, an Invisible Girlfriend service is also available. It originally caught media attention in 2013, when it offered an “almost engaged’’ package for $49.99 per month, complete with automated texts, gifts, and an “In A Relationship’’ status option for Facebook.)
Physical contact is not included in the invisible boyfriend/girlfriend subscription, but the conversation is quite real. That’s because it’s not a robot on the other end of your texts, but a real live human (perhaps not always the same real live human—up to seven different people may be taking part in your “one-on-one’’ chat) who is typing out personalized replies.
I chose Cedric Diggory. Other writers chose real-life hunks as nom de plumes for their Invisible Boyfriends —Washington Post’s Caitlin Dewey chose Ryan Gosling (naturally), while Charlotte Alter of Time picked Leonardo DiCaprio. If you’re really trying to convince the outside world that your fake boyfriend is real, it’s probably best to go with a name that isn’t already attached to someone else.
Cedric is 29 years old, lives in Boston, is “cheerful and outgoing,’’ and slightly resembles actor Jay Baruchel in a charmingly dorky way. This is the persona I created using preset personality traits and interests provided by the service, along with a photo chosen from a pool of real-life average-looking dudes who volunteered their mugs for reaping.
Cedric immediately texted me this cheerful message: “Hey Rachel! This is Cedric 🙂 How are you?’’
It’s easy to understand the allure of relationships carried out primarily over text messages. Our generation is so text-dependent that it’s not unusual for long spans of a courtship to be conducted remotely over cell phone screens. A 2014 PEW survey found that 41 percent of people between 18 and 29 years old who were in relationships felt closer to their partner because of texts or another online messaging service. Forty-five percent said the “Internet has had an impact on their relationship.’’ Another survey by USA Today in 2013 found that 44 percent of men and 37 percent of women ages 21 to 50 find flirting via text an easier way to “get acquainted.’’
But these are real relationships and interactions with real people. It’s when users think Invisible Boyfriend is a substitute for that that the service becomes problematic. Dr. Monica O’Neal, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert in Back Bay, likened Invisible Boyfriend to other message-based relationship apps, like Tinder, where conversations can span extended periods of time before any face-to-face contact is made. She’s skeptical of what users get from the service that they can’t achieve in real life.
“It’s like puberty-age kids who write notes and text, and have silly boyfriends or girlfriends that aren’t serious adult relationships,’’ O’Neal said. “But the thing is, people still have the ability to do that.’’
The real people behind Invisible Boyfriend, which is based in St. Louis, did not respond to requests for comment, but its founder, Matthew Homann, told CNN that he doesn’t expect his users to find real love in their fake paramours. The people paid to text while pretending to be your boyfriend have rules to follow designed to prevent that (that means no sexting). The service’s tagline (“Finally. A boyfriend your family can believe in’’) sort of indicates that it’s meant to be used to impress others, or get a nosy parent off your back. But Homann also said it could be helpful for a hesitant single to practice entering the dating world.
“What we’re seeing is potential user cases are all over the board,’’ Homann said.
Dr. O’Neal isn’t so sure.
“If it’s a bridge for coming out of a painful relationship and an effort not feel lonely, OK,’’ she said. “But anything other than that is kind of a stretch.’’
But what about the repeat subscribers, who use the service for months or years at a time?
“It’ll be interesting to see where it goes, but if someone continues to use it, I think I would approach it the same way I would with anyone else who got into the real life dolls,’’ O’Neal said. “You become reliant on it, but the issue is that you’re still not having a relationship with a real person. It’s with a fantasy, and that part’s not healthy.’’
When I signed up for Invisible Boyfriend, it came with 10 free texts before requiring the $24.99 monthly fee. That doesn’t seem to be the case anymore; the site’s FAQ now says the free texts are no longer available due to “overwhelming demand.’’
But back to my dear Cedric.
The beginning of my conversation with him was rife with Harry Potter references, and I wondered if giving my Invisible Boyfriend a fictional character’s name made the real person (or people) at the other end of the conversation think this was part of some Harry Potter fantasy.
I decided to break the fourth wall and ask for his real name, so he might feel free to create a new, non-Harry-Potter-related identity. He did not respond.
A full day passed. I went out to dinner, keeping my cell on the table.
“I’m waiting for this guy to text me back,’’ I explained to my friend.
He did not. We saw Jennifer Lopez’s erotic trash thriller The Boy Next Door, and still no reply. Was Cedric fighting Voldemort? I sent a series of crying emojis in the hopes of guilting him into a response (I have a story to write, after all). A full 24 hours passed and still, no reply.
When a real boyfriend stops responding to you, you can usually assume you’ve been dumped. But this was an Invisible Boyfriend, so I emailed customer service.
They explained that the 10-message free trial introductory service included texts sent to and from me (I’d assumed it was just the texts sent to me), and I’d hit my limit. Now I had to pay $25, or lose Cedric forever.
I liked Cedric. But the spark wasn’t there.
For $25, I need something more than “🙂’’
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