How to Dress for Your Joint May the Fourth/Cinco de Mayo Party
There’s a back-to-back holiday spectacular to get your week kicked off and you’d be a fool to waste the opportunity to have an off-the-beaten-path rager. The most important part? Costumes!
No matter how hard you plan on going at your imminent festivities, we’ve got the perfect Star Wars and/or Cinco De Mayo getup for you. Watch and learn!
FOR THE NOVICE PARTYGOER:
Star Wars: If you’re throwing a casual get-together with your closest Star Wars enthusiasts, keep it casual and comfy. Grab some duct tape and spray paint and fasten a chain of empty toilet paper rolls – you know, the ones you’ve been putting off recycling – for a simple and effective lightsaber.
For the main getup, what does Luke Skywalker wear into battle if not a glorified bathrobe?
Cinco De Mayo: Hey guys, let’s talk about the fact that it’s 2015 and no one wants to see you — or anyone else — wearing a racist costume. Don’t dress up for Cinco de Mayo unless you are a Mexican who was born in Mexico. Have a drink and be grateful you’re being given a reason to make your carousing look festive.
FOR THE INTERMEDIATE PARTYGOER:
Star Wars: Hit up your local party store and rent a costume for the night that’ll give you profile picture fodder for months to come. Whether you’re going full Chewbacca or Storm Trooper for the night, it takes a small investment to steal the show. A couple of catchphrases couldn’t hurt, either.
Cinco De Mayo: Again, really? We’re dressing up for Cinco De Mayo? Far be it for me to be a purveyor of taste, but if this or this or this is any indication, do not dress up for Cinco De Mayo. There are plenty of Star Wars options to choose from. Come on.
FOR THE ADVANCED PARTYGOER:
Star Wars: For the truly advanced Star Wars geek, you’ve got to bring your efforts in-house. We’re talking stuff like this – fully functional, robotic, custom fit complete with vocal enhancers and an encyclopedic knowledge of the franchise down to the smallest line. Is this level of fandom of anything insufferable? Absolutely, but hey, people won’t have a choice but to give you credit. It’s your party, and the only rule is “compliment my very expensive Bib Fortuna suit or get out.’’ Also, something about the Force. Or is that Star Trek? My parents liked me.
Cinco De Mayo: Are you really serious about this? Like, you really feel it’s necessary. Ugh. Um. Let’s see.
Okay. Maybe wear a hat. No moustaches, no mariachi, and absolutely no accent. Just a hat. And you need to apologize to everyone about the societal implications and context you’re conveying through said hat, and maybe carry around a fistful of gift certificates to give out to those who are angered.
Or, you know what? JUST DON’T.
Whether it costs you a ruined bathrobe or thousands that could be better used paying off your useless undergrad degree, a little effort goes a long way when it comes to you May the Fourth/Cinco De Mayo hybrid party. And for the love of God, don’t wear the hat.
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