How to discuss politics calmly and productively
Make sure your family and friends stay your family and friends this election season.
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Especially as we gear up for election day on Nov. 6, there’s a “constant barrage of issues” coming at us, said Jeffrey Seglin, director of the Harvard Kennedy School Communications Program and a senior lecturer in public policy.
“We live in a time that’s very polarized,” he said. “No one is listening to one another and we can’t compromise.”
Seglin thinks this current state will only improve if we can all learn to speak with each other civilly.
“I’m hopeful that we can respect one another, listen to one another, and strongly disagree with one another,” he said. “I’m hopeful about it.”
Ahead, Seglin offers tips for talking about politics with family and friends in a calm and productive manner.
1. Don’t try to correct
Does your uncle’s opinion of Sen. Elizabeth Warren make you want to change families?
“Respect the person mostly by listening to them, even if what what they are saying is causing a visceral response from you,” Seglin said. “That’s very hard to do, because when we’re agitated, our temptation is to cut someone off or just jump in and correct them.”
A good discussion means both parties are engaged and listening to one another, he said. So rather than interrupting and rebutting, ask questions such as, “Why do you think that?” — and then listen to the responses. You may feel strongly that your viewpoint is the correct one, but you should resist the urge to convert those who feel differently.
“We don’t go into the conversations with the idea that we’re going to annihilate the other person and win,” Seglin said. “It’s not about winning. It’s about learning what the other person has to say and what their views are.”
2. Pretend your family and friends are strangers
Because we’re so familiar with our family and friends, we’re in danger of letting our worst selves show during political discussions with them, according to Seglin.
“We trust that they are always going to love us,” he said.
Be careful to not unintentionally be condescending or dismissive, lash out, talk over them, or belittle their opinion.
“We would never do that with strangers,” Seglin said.
3. Be ready to change the subject
Seglin said it’s helpful to have an exit strategy when politics come up. That way, if a discussion gets too heated or unproductive, you can “pivot to a new conversation.” After all, you can’t force someone to listen to your point of view or ask productive questions, he said.
Seglin suggested having three topics (the Red Sox, lunch, and weekend plans, for example) in mind based on the interests of the person you’re talking to.
4. Follow people on social media who have different points of view
If everyone on your feed thinks like you do, you’re in a thought vacuum. It’s time to follow people who look at the world differently, Seglin said.
“…that helps you with your discussions with friends and families, too,” he said, “because at least you know what that discussion is like on the other side of the argument.”
5. Stop watching news programs when people begin “yelling”
Cable news shows are full of guests on opposite sides of a political issue that sometimes resort to “yelling at each other,” according to Seglin.
“That sets a norm for how we should behave when we talk to people every day, and it’s not [the norm],” he said.
Seglin recommended turning those kinds of shows off.
“Seeing people every night either screaming at each other or being snarky at each other or rolling their eyes at each other, it’s not reporting any news,” Seglin said. “So that model isn’t great.”
6. Remember that you don’t have to talk politics
“One of the cardinal rules is, you don’t have to force yourself to talk about politics if you don’t want to,” Seglin said. “If you do that, you’re setting yourself up to be dissatisfied with whatever the conversation is anyway because you don’t want to be there.”
The next time someone brings up the latest news about the Trump administration, you can always politely change the subject.
“It’s perfectly fine to say to someone, ‘I don’t have a view on that.’ And leave it at that,” Seglin said.
