Grammy Awards fashion: We’re disappointed in you, 2014

You know it’s a slow red carpet night when you start sincerely wondering if Cyndi Lauper is a real contender for the best dressed list. (She wasn’t.)

The 56th annual Grammy Awards were held at the Staples Center in Los Angeles Jan. 26, and it really bummed us out. Well, at least the pre-show did. Nearly everyone we hoped would walk (e.g., Beyonce, Rihanna, Lorde, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga — heck, even Justin Timberlake — all opted out of the red carpet at this show, leaving us not much to work with. So bear with us: this was slim pickin’s, but here are our favorites and least favorites of the night.

Check the rest of the red carpet — or lack there of — and
more pics from the show (when almost everyone decided to show up.)

HIT: Taylor Swift in Gucci Première

OK, OK—it’s sparkly. It’s form-fitting. It’s totally predictable and a little safe — but it’s gorgeous. And something has to be said for cap-sleeve gowns: they’re very difficult to pull off, but when it’s done correctly, the effect is so, so chic. Well played, Taylor, well played.

HIT: Kacey Musgraves in Armani Prive

Is Kacey the new Taylor? The awards committee sort of says so. And this dress sort of said so, too. We expected her to go sexy-sexy but this was an excellent surprise — and way better than her performance dress, which looked like a piñata.

HIT: Ciara in Pucci

Pregnancy is officially our favorite red carpet trend of the year. These moms-to-be are really bringing it this season — and they eat. Ciara told E! News she ate French fries before she walked the red carpet. And she looked ah-mazing! That’s a girl after our own heart.

HIT: Katy Perry in Valentino

Katy almost always looks like she’s in costume and it often works for her. This was no exception. We’re not too crazy about the dress itself, but no one else could have really pulled this look off at any other award show so we’ll give this a hesitant thumbs up.

HIT: Rita Ora in Lanvin

This kind of looked like it conducts electricity but we liked it. Rita’s style often overwhelms us — it’s always too sexy or too extravagant for us to take her seriously. The clothes tend to have personality than she puts out. However, this was really sophisticated with just the right amount of edge. And hair and makeup make it that much better.

HIT: Miranda Lambert in Pamella Roland

We didn’t hate this and Miranda looked great. So, sure—why not?

HIT: Pink in Johanna Johnson

Same goes for this. We would have never called this one and Pink looked beautiful, so again — why not?

MISS: Pharrell’s hat

What cartoon park ranger was this borrowed from?

MISS: Madonna’s grill

“It pisses everybody off when I wear my grill, so that’s why I wear it.’’ — Madonna to E! News. Right. Because that’s a truly excellent reason.

MISS: Colbie Caillat’s turtleneck

There was way too much happening with this dress. Strategically placed sheer paneling, an epic train, petals! The high neck was its final offense. It was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

MISS: Chrisette Michele’s bra

This was like adding insult to injury.

MISS: Paris Hilton’s pompadour

We really wish people would stop trying to make the pompadour happen. We also wish Paris Hilton would stop trying to make Paris Hilton happen.

MISS: Sara Bareilles’s everything

Sara! This was supposed to be your night. We were really looking forward to seeing you and you really — no,
really
— let us down. When you’re nominated for Album of the Year, we expect you to churn that one out. The hair! The red accessories! The tassels! We’re not sure how to recover from this one.

MISS: Paula Patton’s welcome to the jungle moment

What happened here?