How to mind your manners
We asked an expert to (please) share her top etiquette tips.
Most of us don’t live like The Crawleys, that beguiling, fictional aristocratic English family in the Downton Abbey TV series and forthcoming movie.But there’s one big takeaway from the program that anyone can acquire: good manners. Watch how the Crawleys and even their well-mannered staff calmly converse with one another, how they handle day-to-day problems without drama, anger, or high emotions, and how they handle rudeness from others by taking the high road. On September 10, the Fairmont Copley Plaza, Boston’s epitome of Gilded Age splendor, has a special “etiquette lesson” viewing of “Downton Abbey: The Exhibition,” which has been running at The Castle in Back Bay through the summer, in conjunction with Beaumont Etiquette, whose founder Myka Meier, will advise on the dos and don’ts of the English code of conduct that some might say is stuffy, boring, and irrelevant.Not so, said Meier, who returns to Boston after holding an etiquette class at the Copley Plaza last year. “Etiquette is simply social intelligence,” Meier said. “People forget what it’s truly about and that is kindness and respect.”Meier offered the following tips for minding our manners:
Begin with the basics.
“It’s the little things, like an elderly person standing on the subway and everyone sits there ignoring them,” Meier said. “It’s the worst offense; I get very upset. Go back to basics and remember to treat people with respect and kindness.”
Make eye contact.
“One way to show respect is to look a person in the eye, it’s a really big thing,” she said. “When you are saying hello or shaking their hand, look them in the eye. Also, simply greeting people on the street. Just saying hello rather than ignoring them creates a better society.”
Beaumont Etiquette founder Myka Meier.
When dating, know when to hold back.
“We teach a dating course because it is such a big issue,” Meier said. “One thing: Never be passive aggressive; it’s behavior that rarely works,” she said. “Instead, say quite directly what it is that is a problem and suggest a different approach that should be taken in the future. Also, knowing when it’s inappropriate to talk is important. When to talk and when to listen is a big part of dating etiquette.”
Respect other people’s time.
“If we live in cities, we can expect to be late. But I have a rule: for every minute you think you are going to be late, then give two minutes notice. So, if you are going to be 10 minutes late, give 20 minutes notice,” she said.
Mind your emails and texts.
“The biggest social change has been technology and there are no traditional rules, but even with an email or a text, never forget etiquette,” she said. “There is an etiquette to writing and sending emails, such as putting the senior person first and beginning with ‘Dear so and so,’ instead of ‘Hi’ or ‘Hello.'”
Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’
“When you ask for something, it doesn’t take much thought to do it properly and politely. Say, ‘May I please have’ this or that, and add a thank you,” Meier said. “We are in danger of losing these things, so it’s important to teach children these everyday ways of showing respect and kindness.”A night at Downton Abbey: the Exhibition with Fairmont Copley Plaza and Beaumont Etiquette, Sept. 10. Tickets include the reception, admission to the exhibition, and roundtrip transportation between the hotel and exhibition and are available at EventBrite
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