‘The Bachelor’ Episode 9 Recap: Sweet Suite Fantasy, Baby
We can hardly believe it, but the semi-finals of this season’s Bachelor are upon us. With just three ladies left, only two episodes remain before a winner is crowned.
Exotic Bali is the perfect host country for this week’s much-anticipated Fantasy Suite dates. Viewers have long speculated about what happens in the Fantasy Suite, but all we know for sure is that there is one bed, no cameras, and two people who haven’t had sex for at least eight weeks. Of course, conservative Farmer Chris claims he’s just excited to check if the “intimacy aspect will be there.’’ But then again, that’s probably what Nick Viall said, too.
Kaitlyn’s Date
Kaitlyn gets the first one-on-one date with Chris. The couple visits an ancient Balinese temple where they dress in traditional garb, walk around with baskets on their heads, and perform religious rituals with some of the local women.
The local flavor continues at an animal park. In probably the best scene of the whole show, a monkey attacks Chris, steals his banana, and then pees on him. Chris is pretty chill about the whole thing (even the peeing), but Kaitlyn is drawing important lessons from her new simian friends: “Watching these monkeys, they know what they want, and then they go and get it. . . . I wish I could be more like a monkey.’’ Deep Kaitlyn, very deep. If you want Chris’s banana, you go ahead and take it, girl.
Kaitlyn has been thinking about Chris a lot since his visit to her hometown and is excited, but nervous, to verbalize her feelings for him. She’s not the most emotional contestant and has a hard time letting her guard down (at least that’s what her mom told us last week). She is visibly nervous, and actually shaking, during their dinner. When Chris shares the fantasy suite card with Kaitlyn, she practically jumps at the chance for more time with him.
Once ensconced in the love shack, Kaitlyn actually gets her lady balls together and articulates explicitly that she is, in fact, falling in love with our Bachelor. Chris is thrilled and responds by breaking the cardinal rule of the Bachelor and saying he is falling in love with her, too. With these magic words exchanged, the blinds fall and the cameramen are escorted from the building.
Whitney’s Date
Whitney’s up next for a boat ride through the Indian Ocean. Between her voice and Chris’s giggle, it’s going to be hard for listeners to make it through this date. Luckily the pair spends most of their time making out rather than conversing.
Whitney has no doubts about wanting to marry Chris, in fact she’s “never felt so sure or so ready in her life.’’ However, she’s still worried that her big old meanie of a sister messed everything up by refusing to give Chris her blessing. She raises the issue with Chris, and he’s okay with it: The only blessing he wants is Whitney’s, and she’s willing to give him that and more. Everything, in fact. This might scare a normal man, but not Chris. Validation is the best aphrodisiac for the insecure farmer.
Still, Chris wants to make sure Whitney is ready for small town Iowa. It’s taken him a week, but Chris has finally figured out that if Whitney moved to Arlington, she would have to give up her beloved job as a fertility nurse. Again, Whitney is quick to assure him that she wouldn’t have any hesitation about leaving her job because, in her words, “I would just be ready to have babies—that would be my career.’’ Somewhere, a single tear makes its way down Sheryl Sandberg’s cheek.
With this admin out of the way, Chris confesses to also falling in love with Whitney. Apparently, Chris has modified the Bachelor rule as such: You are allowed to tell a contestant that you’re falling in love, but only if you say it to everyone. Fair is fair.
Chris presents Whitney with the fantasy suite card and duly escorts her inside. “Get out! Shut up! Oh my God! Crazy!’’ she squeals when she sees the candlelight and rose petal strewn suite. Jeez, what man wouldn’t want such enthusiasm just seconds before he takes his pants off for the first time? We can only hope she’s just as excited about happens when the lights go down.
Becca’s Date
Our final bachelorette Becca meets up with Chris in a local agricultural village where Chris gets to show off the one thing he knows about: farming! In fact, he’s kind of adorably nerdy explaining the village’s ancient irrigation systems.
The couple strolls through the village, plays with some kids, and then meets the village medium who purports to be able to see their future. When Becca asks for advice for their date tonight, he encourages them to “make love,’’ then thoughtfully adds while “facing the west.’’ Off-camera, one of the producers slips him a twenty.
Over dinner, Becca tells Chris in her matter-of-fact way that she’s falling for him. Thrilled to be three-for-three in Bali, Chris quickly responds that is falling in love with her too. Chris is also falling in love with Chris Harrison, that cameraman over there, the monkey who peed on him earlier, and basically anyone who is willing to buy a plane ticket to Arlington, Iowa.
Since Chris and Becca are properly in lurvv, it’s only right that the pair should proceed straight to the fantasy suite. But it isn’t until they actually enter the den of iniquity, that Becca summons the courage for the big confession. After some hemming and hawing, she finally shares that she is a virgin.
Despite this being his second virgin confession of the season, Chris looks like he’s going to pass out for about five seconds before managing one of his patented, incoherent responses. “Right… I’m glad that you, you know, I… it’s never easy to respond to, uh, that sort of stuff. Um. But I respect that… in a lot of ways and I would be lying if I said that it doesn’t, that it, surprises me, and uh, I think that says a lot about who you are.’’ Whaaa?
And yet: “His response was perfect,’’ gushes Becca, who seems just to be relieved that he didn’t kick her out of the hotel room. She then tells us that she’s basically rethinking her stance on waiting until marriage. Could the Bachelor fantasy suite actually be the site of a devirginization?? Here’s hoping that at the “Women Tell All’’ special, someone actually gives us the dirt.
The Rose Ceremony
Given that he is in love with all three women, Chris is confused about who to send home this week. He calls in the big guns (Chris Harrison) to talk things through. It’s pretty clear that Whitney is a lock for rose #1, and that Farmer Chris wants to give the other one to Becca, but he is worried about her reservations about moving to Iowa (apparently they had a conversation about it behind closed doors).
Chris pulls Becca aside to try put his mind at ease. She is honest that moving to Arlington would be difficult, but it’s not off the table for her. She also wants him to know that reality TV only brought them together: It hasn’t colored her feelings for him. This is the most real conversation between them to date, and we finally believe these two crazy kids might actually like each other.
When the rose ceremony resumes, Chris says goodbye to Kaitlyn, and the poor girl did not see it coming at all. See Chris? This is why we have the cardinal Bachelor rule in the first place! Kaitlyn begs for some kind of explanation, and Chris can only tell her he’s “scared’’ and finds this “excruciating.’’ We’re sad to see the spunky Canadian go home—she was the season’s funniest and most real contestant—but we feel certain she dodged a bullet.
Winner Prediction
While it took a long time, a clear winner has emerged. Becca has made a respectable late surge, but she won’t catch perfect Disney princess Whitney.
Of course, we won’t know for sure until the finale airs in two weeks. In the meantime, make sure to check out the always juicy “Women Tell All’’ live show on Monday, March 2. Chris Harrison will host all of our favorites from this season’s truly special group of bachelorettes, including divisive beauty Britt, virgin drama queen Ashley I., and “black widow’’ Kelsey.
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