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The most popular place to meet people in Boston isn’t dating apps—it’s speed dating events
I happen to be among the singles testing the waters of speed dating.
If you haven’t noticed them in your social media feed yet, it’s only a matter of time before you do: Speed dating events are everywhere, and single people fed up with dating apps are coming out to them in droves.
Once viewed as a quirky exercise reserved for romcoms, speed dating is getting a newer, hipper reputation. Fatigued by swiping, many are hoping to meet people in person, and speed dating can offer that—7 to 13 times in one night, even.
I happen to be among the singles testing the waters of speed dating. I tried out Boston Single Mingle with a friend a few months ago, and recently attended my first Skip the Small Talk event, which came highly recommended from a pal. But beyond organizations like these, restaurants and bars are taking note. Momma’s, a grocery and wine shop in Cambridge, hosted a speed dating event in February, while Somerville’s Juliet Social Club launched “Social Hearts Club” two weeks later. One thing the events all have in common? They tend to sell out quickly.
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“People are tired of swiping, and obviously there are limited spaces where you can go and try to meet people face to face,” said Alyssa Beauregard, the Juliet staffer who created Social Hearts Club. “Part of what I’m trying to do at my event is curate a vibe and a playlist, and make it feel special. It’s not just something that’s stuck in the corner somewhere at a bar.”
Beauregard hosted a queer night for Social Hearts Club recently last week, and plans to continue creating events for all sexual orientations and identities.
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“I know it’s going to feel like a lot of pressure to go on 13 dates in one night,” Beauregard said. “So I just want everyone to feel as comfortable and as close to being in their living room as possible.”
What I felt before my first speed-dating event was dread. It seemed like an entertaining thing to sign up for initially, but as the event approached, I was less enthused. My friend and I tried to build each other up as we walked inside the Thirsty Scholar, reminding ourselves at least we’d have some good stories to tell afterward.
The setup was pretty simple: You slapped on a name tag, picked up a pen and paper, and grabbed a seat. The ladies were instructed to stay at their respective tables, and every eight minutes or so, a new date would sit down across from them. I used the paper to write down my dates’ names, some notes, and whether or not I’d like to match with them. Then, at the end of the night, everyone returned their papers so the host could see who matched with who. If both people marked interest in each other, the organizer would share your email addresses the next day.
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My dread dissipated pretty quickly; I enjoyed meeting a lot of new people at once, however briefly. And while my friend and I both had perfectly nice conversations with seven different men, the relationship that truly blossomed was actually with another attendee, Amanda Donovan. We recruited her to talk about her experience over drinks next door.
“I would say that even though I didn’t click with anyone at the event, it gave me experience in talking to potential matches organically and in person, which is something dating apps can’t offer,” said Donovan, 32. “I always felt like on the apps, you might be missing potential matches because you are only viewing a tiny fraction of who a person is.”
Though it’s nerve-wracking to some attendees more than others, we agreed the event was a refreshingly analog solution to dating app fatigue.
At my next foray into speed dating at Lamplighter Brewing, there was a bit more structure. Skip the Small Talk events provide conversation-starter cards, with the idea that they can help people feel connected to—and vulnerable with—each other faster. (One card I received? “Tell me about some of your role models and what you admire about them.”)
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Ashley Kirsner, the founder of Skip the Small Talk, started hosting events in Boston in 2016 as a way to foster deeper conversation and forge friendships. She eventually branched out into speed dating, and now offers events for non-monogamous, LGBTQIA+, and other groups, as well as a Skip the Small Talk card deck.
“At both platonic and speed dating events, the questions are designed to get you talking about internal states, as opposed to just facts about yourself,” said Kirsner, who developed the questions based on psychology research. Aside from the cards, she structures the events in a way so they don’t emphasize gender norms.
Kirsner was the host of the sold-out event I attended, and emphasized to everyone not to put too much pressure on themselves. Instead, she suggested simply having the goal of learning something new. It’s a refreshing take not just on speed dating, but dating overall. And it’s one that fellow attendee Daniel Garrett shared.
“I’m trying to detach myself as much as I can from expectations,” said Garrett, 33. “I just wanted to go out and have a new experience and have fun. That’s really it. Obviously, yes, it’d be great if I met somebody, but I’m trying to not think too hard about that—and focus more on the action of coming out and doing something different.”
Once I was able to get past the sheer earnestness of the questions, I was able to get to know some interesting things about almost a dozen new people. I might try an event hosted by a restaurant next, but in the meantime, I’ll wait to see if I received any matches.
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