The finer points of Gisele Bündchen’s many philosophies on life
Gisele has graced the planet with her existence for 35 years today. Here’s a timeline of moments in which she was unafraid to express her outlooks on, well, living.
Photo by Paolo Whitaker/Reuters
July 20 marks the day of creation of Gisele Bündchen, model, wife, mother, and perfect human. She is now 35, and though she remained a silent face on the runway for many of her years in the public eye, she made up for lost time in so many outspoken instances since the day, basically, she became Mrs. Tom Brady. Since then, she’s provided the public with many insights on her spirituality, prosperity, and prevalent regime as New England royalty, much of which have gained much attention from the media.
Here, a timeline of Gisele’s finest moments, a toast to a woman almighty.
March 2010: That time Gisele said she’s a true Bostonian, though hadn’t left her apartment in six weeks because it was “too cold.’’ “I’m a true Bostonian now,’’ Gisele is quoted as saying in a 2010 Vogue feature. She details her “sacred’’ pregnancy a bit, priding herself on staying focused on the baby and only existing work contracts during postpartum. But then it reads: “Gisele has not left the apartment for six weeks. ‘Too cold,’ she says, pointing her chin at the winter rain beyond the window.’’ Come on.
August 2010: That time Gisele said the law should force women to breastfeed for six months.She swears it was breastfeeding that helped maintain her model body after her pregnancy. (Not natural genetics, hmm?) She also said her eight-hour labor “didn’t hurt in the slightest,’’ thanks to “yoga and meditation.’’ She gave birth to her son Benjamin in her bathtub in Boston with no pain relief, therefore instilling that she is unbreakable unlike the rest of us mortals.
Feburary 2011: That time Gisele upset the universe and dermatologists everywhere by saying sunscreen is poison. “I cannot put this poison on my skin,’’ Gisele said according to the Daily Mail. “I do not use anything synthetic.’’ How dare you, lowly peasants, accuse Gisele of ever abiding by a skincare routine that is not au naturel? The comment, of course, enraged dermatologists, so her publicists backpedaled in a statement: “When using sunscreens, she selects ones that are free of parabens, oxybenzone, PABA and retinyl palmitate.’’ Well that clears it up.
Feburary 2012: That time Gisele exposed Tom Brady for not being a demigod. “My husband cannot fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can’t believe they dropped the ball so many times,’’ Gisele said after the Patriots’ extremely rough loss in Super Bowl XLVI. “You have to catch the ball when you’re supposed to catch ball.’’
November 2013: That time Gisele, model multitasker, unmasked the key to women “having it all.’’ In an interview withWSJ magazine, Gisele, the world’s highest paid model, offered her exerptise on how to juggle womanhood as a mother, wife, and working lady. While she did say she can’t be “100 percent’’ in one area, it turns out her big secret is an organization app. So her balancing act has nothing to do with other people helping out with things like cooking and cleaning and paying bills, that’s for sure.
April 2014: That time Gisele provided some clarity on her personal priorities. After Gisele topped the Forbes Supermodel Rich List, she was audited by the IRS. “It’s sad, because the people who write these things don’t have my bank account details,’’ she told Vogue UK. “I do OK, I earn plenty, but not as much as they say. I’ve already been audited by the IRS because of this list and truthfully, whether I’m on this list or not, it doesn’t interest me.’’ You know what does interest Gisele? Her children’s education, her husband’s happiness, and feeding “positive energy’’ to others. Meanwhile, Dr. Dre is now living coolly in Gisele’s former mansion complete with a moat.
Photos: Tom and Gisele sightings:
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