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This is who should get the engagement ring after a breakup, readers say
Most readers vote that whoever buys or gives the ring owns it, no matter the circumstances. Do you agree?
A dispute over ownership of an engagement ring worth more than $70,000 has the potential to change a precedent set by a 1959 state ruling.
In 2017, Bruce Johnson proposed to his now ex-fiance, Caroline Settino, with a Tiffany & Co. ring worth over $70,000 according to legal documents. Three months after proposing, Johnson accused Settino of having an affair – that she denied – and called off the engagement. The split sparked a years-long legal battle over who gets to keep the engagement ring.
According to the precedent DeCicco v. Barker (1959), “the giver of the ring is entitled to have it returned if the engagement is ‘terminated without the fault of the donor,’” the Globe wrote.
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After the case was brought before the Plymouth Superior Court, a judge sided with Settino “finding there was no affair and that Johnson was at fault for calling off the engagement” the Globe reported. Last year, an appeals court reversed the decision ruling that Johnson’s claims “might have been justified even if he was mistaken about Settino’s alleged infidelity.”
Last week, the state’s top court heard the case. There currently remains no set for the decision. The debate has gained traction across local and national news outlets, as experts weigh in on the “business” side of marriage. Love Letters columnist Meredith Goldstein shared her thoughts on the case in a recent podcast episode with CommonWealth Beacon reporter Jennifer Smith.
“Understand that once you get into the marriage part of this and the promises of marriage, it all becomes something to talk about legally,” said Goldstein.
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“How fascinating that the minute you step up your commitment, the romance kind of secretly goes out the window a little bit because it becomes something that is a little bit business-like.”
In an informal poll conducted by Boston.com, we asked readers: Who owns the engagement ring after a breakup? Out of 568 responses, most respondents voted that the buyer/giver of the ring is the rightful owner.
Who do you think is the owner of an engagement ring in a breakup?
The buyer/giver of the ring
79%
The recipient of the ring
21%
“An engagement ring is a promise to get married. If you don’t keep the promise, the ring returns to the gifter. That simple,” wrote Chris from Quincy.
Respondents who voted against giving the ring back believe that an engagement ring holds the same weight as any other gift: once it’s given, it’s not meant to be taken back.
“Once you give something to someone, it’s theirs unless there’s a legal document saying otherwise. Notwithstanding the scandalously fun context, the ring’s hers,” wrote Christine from Holbrook.
Here’s a sampling of what other readers had to say about who rightfully owns the engagement ring after a breakup.
The buyer/giver of the ring is the rightful owner
“I agree with most states. The ring should be returned to the giver if the relationship did not make it to marriage – regardless of fault. No reason for the receiver to make a profit. Now if there is a lot of expenses paid for the upcoming reception which cannot be refunded I think there should be a deal struck. If one party is egregiously at fault, such as cheating, they should bear the burden of the loss of expenses paid.”
-Amanda R., Dover
“If the ring was not given as a gift, i.e. on her birthday, anniversary, or Christmas, then she should give it back.”
-Lisa, Salem
“The recipient of the ring should not be able to financially benefit during a breakup. This would encourage relationships under false pretenses for the sole purposes of obtaining a large value item only to then end the relationship and be able to financially benefit from that. If the property is returned, all parties move on with their lives.”
-Justin S., Groton
“It’s a gift that symbolizes commitment, engagement to be married. If that commitment is gone, keeping that gift isn’t appropriate.”
-Melody, Boston
“The ring is a symbol of a commitment for an engagement and marriage. If that engagement is called off (especially if there is evidence/proof of infidelity) then the ring should go back to the giver as it is a symbol of that engagement. It is not a ‘gift’ in the traditional sense given the price of the ring and the specific use case for it.
“Considering it a ‘gift’ that the receiver gets to keep (as one might say would be the case with a sweater that was purchased for a birthday) is not the right comparison. Given the financial value of an engagement ring – this is the only thing that makes sense.”
-Matt, Mansfield
“A person gives a ring to someone they are planning to spend a life with. Sometimes people realize the marriage is a mistake – before the wedding – which is the best time to break it off. The ring belongs with the giver – period.”
-Tilda W., Arlington
“The ring is meant to be a symbol of long lasting commitment. If the relationship doesn’t even get to the certification point, the giver of the ring deserves it back. To keep it is a spiteful move. Give it back and move on.”
-John, South Shore
The recipient of the ring is the rightful owner
“Unless it is a family heirloom, the person who was given the ring keeps it. Honestly, what’ll cost you more: cutting bait and giving them the ring or losing half of your stuff in the eventual divorce?”
-Keith, Salem
“Gifts don’t have price tags dictating their returns.”
-Lynda F., Tewksbury
“A gift is a gift. You cannot take it back just because the relationship ended. At the end of the day, it’s all about money behind the scenes. If you want something to protect you, in addition to a prenuptial agreement, sign a ‘return of ring if relationship ends before matrimony’ clause.”
-David B., Cape Cod
“When you give someone a gift, it is theirs. It doesn’t matter the circumstances that occur after the gift is made.”
-Bethany, North Shore
“An engagement ring is an implied contract for a specific service (e.g. I give you this ring to be wed). Due diligence is required of the person making the contract. If the ring is given, then the buyer is no longer the rightful owner.”
-Lydia M., Framingham
“I would suggest whomever is initiating the break up should NOT expect the ring; be prepared to cut your losses. If the breakup is truly mutual in time and decision, then the buyer should get it by a common courtesy approach.”
-Todd, Boston
“It’s a gift once it’s given. No ‘backsies.'”
-Greg, Newton
It depends on the situation
“I voted for the buyer/giver because it was a required answer but I think the real answer is that the person who owns the ring is the one who did not initiate the breakup.
“So in a situation where a man proposes to a woman, if he calls off the engagement, she should keep the ring; if she calls off the engagement, she should return the ring.”
-Eddie, Boston
“I don’t think it’s a clear buyer/recipient answer. If the couple has been together for many years then the recipient should keep the ring.”
-Donna, Boston
“I don’t think this is a yes/no situation. It depends on who called it off and why. But even if the groom was at fault, over a certain amount I think he should get the ring back. $70K is a ridiculous amount to spend on a ring in my opinion but regardless, it’s not the same as any other gift, it’s kind of like a contract in itself and should be considered a conditional gift that can be revoked if the contract ends.”
-Erica, Foxboro
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