Building the Ultimate Zombie Apocalypse Machine
Let’s face it, there are few events that require more planning than the zombie apocalypse. And it is far more logical to cruise deserted neighborhoods, abandoned highways, and dirt roads in the protection of a car, instead of wandering “The Walking Dead’’ by foot.
Whether you call them “walkers’’, “biters’’, “roamers’’, or just old-fashioned “zombies’’, with enough creativity and foresight, there is a car design that can keep survivors safe when the dead take over. Today we offer a good start, but admit there are areas for improvement.
Choosing a vehicle with the right body is one of the most important steps in building a wheeled zombie-killer. For example, a pickup truck might not be the best fit since hordes of undead could climb into its bed and attack survivors in the cabin.
The car you see here is a souped-up 6-speed C5 Audi Allroad. The Allroad has an adjustable suspension and twin turbo V6 that offers survivors good fuel economy, speed, and can take on tough terrain with relative ease. Its wagon body provides a place to sleep and storage for foraged supplies.
The grill, windshield, and windows are protected with welded chain link fence and metal bars lined with barbed wire to keep the dead from getting inside. And in a zombie-run world, a car that can’t make a swift getaway is useless. The tires on this car are filled with slime to protect against punctures.
As a bonus, the Audi is equipped with a machine gun that can make the walking dead even, well, deader. Solar panels allow for smaller electronics to be powered without relying heavily on the car’s engine.
As we mentioned earlier, there are areas where the car could be improved. For an expert opinion, we consulted John “Bugsy’’ Lawlor, a car collector and technical advisor for the radio program “Car Talk.’’ Lawlor took his cues from apocalypse-themed movies like “Mad Max.’’ His vehicle of choice would be a large diesel truck that could easily barrel through a zombie horde.
One of the most important elements in Lawlor’s design is a cowcatcher, the large V-shaped structure affixed to the front of classic locomotive trains. Equipped with one of these bad boys, his design would easily knock aside undead armies or roadblocks. If off-roading was necessary, the vehicle could even pave a road where one didn’t already exist.
Since you sometimes cannot avoid water, Lawlor recommends outfitting the truck with a snorkel that keeps an engine from flooding. Lastly, he recommends attaching outward-facing metal spikes to impale any undead intruders who get too close.
“Think of the Knights of the Roundtable,’’ he said. “They used to fight with long lances on horseback. But in this case, the lances won’t break.’’
What do you think? What features would your zombie-killing vehicle include? Weigh in below.
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